Saturday, September 11, 2010

::I Need You::

I want to curl up in my favorite chair in your office; you know exactly which chair I’m talking about, and just listen to you talk. I don’t care what you choose to talk about – just talk, fluidly. I want your voice to wrap around my mind, so all of the bad voices in my head will disappear.

If tears begin to fall down my cheeks, I want you to hug me tight. Let me cry on your shoulder; I hope you don’t mind my tears falling upon you. When your warmth dries my tears from the inside out, then just sit with me again. Talk to me gently assuring me that things will be okay, because you are here for me – you are always here for me if ever I need you. Assure me that you’ll always protect me the best that you can, because you care. I just need to know that someone on this earth cares.

When life gets too much for me to bear, I really need you by my side. To the best of your ability, be my Superman until I can be my own. By loving me I promise I’ll learn how to love myself. Monkey see, monkey do. But, you have to be my brave leader, and I’ll be you’re follower.


Anonymous said...

i cant believe how little you need when you go through so much. Someone safe to sit with who will talk as they please?
There are many people who would care, if they knew you, its about knowing they're out there until you find them. i hope the person you're writing this to gets to read it.
music, and that safe place you build in our head where everyone you love and everything you care about takes center stage and everything else fades away. . thats good too. For when you need to feel. . not so alone.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sirena.
I know we don't talk really, but I wanted you to know that I care. A lot. I can relate to what you are feeling in some ways. This is iguessthisisforever on xanga. If you ever need anything, please message me.

Rafi said...

I wish I had seen your previous post before now. I had no idea your depression was that bad.

Don't feel bad about contacting your therapist and being honest with her about your thoughts. If you didn't send that, you should. She sounds like she's a very good therapist and she could be an excellent person to turn to when you feel like that. You also need to open up to her about whatever you're keeping bottled up inside. It won't get better until you let go of all that's hurting you. But you have to open up to do so.

Are you sure you don't have friends to turn to? You have all the girls on Xanga. I'm pretty sure if you explained to Alex how things are and why you don't want to go to a hospital or have the cops called that she'd listen and grant you what you want, assuming that she doesn't fear that you are currently dying. Of course people are going to contact someone like the police if they think you've seriously hurt yourself; they care about you.

Here, you can talk to me. I'm not the best at advice but I'm good at listening. And talking I think is what you need to be doing. Xanga: I think. AIM: dskafan or text me at 6185200776. Just let me know it's you and I'll respond. Please talk to someone though. It's the only way you'll begin to feel happier on more days. You have to open up. We all care about you and want you to live. God, I'm a stranger to you but this hurts to see you in so much pain.

*********A MILLION HUGS************* <--- That forum helped me out so much when I was suicidal. There are people with all kinds of mental disorders and plenty with more than one. I've seen plenty of people on there who have suffered like it sounds like you do. They are very supportive and caring people from all over the world. Go and talk to them. Just being a part of their community seems to help. They have sections where you can go for help when you're in serious trouble (like when you want to die or when you want to hurt yourself badly but not necessarily die) and they have sections where you just talk about life, your favorite tv show, etc. Please check it out if you haven't heard of it already.


Anonymous said...

sometimes a little comfort, a tiny respite from the constant pain can seem like so much... it can help you pull through just a little longer.

Little Epicure

Anonymous said...

I love the way you wrote this. It's so hard to be in this dark, scary place with those loud voices that all you want it someone who loves you to drown them out. That's what sucks is the simplicity in what helps seems to be the biggest obstacle because there is a wall that keeps us from letting people do exactly just that. Hunni, I hope that for you, you get to have someone sit with you and lead you through the night. If I could, I'd come and sit with you. Sirena a lot of people love you and speaking from someone who knows where you are at, the wall separatings us from having someone wrap their lovingly safe arms around us, have to crumble.
I hope you find your comfort tonight. You deserve that and so much more.
xoxo <3

adah_and_mybattles said...

I also wish I had someone I could turn to like this. Sometimes its not that I want to talk about my problems and how Im feeling, I just want to get caught up in something else and be distracted from the fact that Im feeling like this. Easier said than done though right?!

I hope the person you are refering to pulls through for you and is able to help you. If not then we are always here for you. Im so glad I am able to offer support here because you're beautiful posts on xanga always help me. You give so much to everyone else on xanga and I know Im not the only one who wants to be able to give something back to you.

Take Care love. Please get in touch if you ever need to talk.

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